Could this kind of relationship be for you?

A couple of weeks before my grandfather died, I visited my grandparents and was moved by the sight of them sitting hand-in-hand, smiling and gazing into one another's eyes like young lovers. They were devoted to each other. My grandfather was very much the master of the house, and made all the major decisions. My grandmother was positively proud to by his wife. She obeyed him and deferred to him. She would have done anything for him, and from the way happiness shone out of her, it is clear that she felt not the slightest bit down-trodden or resentful. I remember her almost dancing into a room and filling it with warm smiles and joyful laughter. Head of the household my grandfather may have been, but he was no bully. He was an old-fashioned English gentleman who was kind and gentle and did not want anyone to be intimidated by him even though he was frightfully clever and had the presence and authority to command obedience. I very much doubt that he ever used any kind of ‘discipline’ on my grandmother, whether physical or otherwise. My grandparents had a dominant relationship.

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That is one kind of relationship. Others look very different. Some look less like a traditional marriage and more like a hardcore high intensity TPE or absolute power relationship. Some involve total obedience and no way out (yes, that is what the woman passionately wants). In other relationships neither the man nor the woman wants total obedience, preferring light-hearted disobedience of the spirited but lovable brat. Some aren't remotely interested in obedience or the lack of it. Some couples think in terms of dominance and submission; others have no interest in dominance and/or submission. Some think in terms of two strong individuals engaged in a fascinating and totally friendly battle with one another as they jointly explore the world and each other. For others, a relationship is not about any of the above; instead, it is about men being masculine and women being feminine. Some see it very differently from any of these descriptions.

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In some couples, the woman sees herself as a shrew being tamed; some women want to be brought to submission; some think in terms of having their resistance broken or of being conquered. For others, the idea of being broken, tamed, or conquered sounds awful. They prefer the idea of willing surrender. To some, the idea of surrendering is quite unappealing. Some have no interest in submission or surrendering at all, but they like the idea of the man wearing the trousers in subtle ways or they like the idea of being with a man strong enough not to allow them to walk all over him.

Some are drawn to difficult and intense interactions, others are prefer the idea of peace and tranquility. Some women want to fear their man; for others, nothing could be worse. Some couples enjoy violent physical force; some relationships involve no physical force of any kind. Some like the idea of the woman being owned by the man; for others that is an abomination.

There are many possibilities, and what I have said above is just to give those new to domonant dating idea, it is not a complete list of all the variations by any means.

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There is no recipe, and no relationship springs into existence fully formed the moment the couple decides they want it to be a dominant one. Relationships evolve over time. Trust takes time to build. Take it very slowly. Think of your relationship as a journey of baby steps, and be prepared for some of those steps to feel like giant leaps backwards. That is the nature of progress. Learning, developing, growing is not a tidy process organised along a straight line. Be kind to yourselves when it feels as though you are lost, and have faith that you will find the path again. But keep an open mind about where you think you are heading. You may want to take a completely different path.

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(they like the idea of being with a man strong enough not to allow them to walk all over him)

I need this. It's only my feeling, but a man should never allow a woman to walk all over him. It's just not right and I lose all repect for a man who does this. Sure, it works for some men and if that makes them happy, more power to them. But for me, it's wrong.

My husband lets me get away with murder sometimes, but it's murder that he feels is still ok...lol. Once I cross that line, it stops. Most times with just a look or a stern "Enough" This shows me he cares enough to let me vent but is in control enough to know when I am going too far.

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The man's control is all very erotic for both man and woman, and it is also deeply relaxing. To those drawn to dominant relationships, it feels right. It is very connecting; it facilitates deep communication and bonding. It is exciting and enlivening; it feels safe and protective; it brings passion and peace. For more about this, see also this article and this article.

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No. Some dominant relationships look very traditional, but unlike what may have been the case in the past, the woman is living under the authority of a man by choice. The woman could have chosen to live in a more conventional relationship in which there is no control, or she could have chosen to be in a relationship in which she is in control. Domination is a personal choice for the individual, not something we want to foist on others against their will.